May 02, 2017
This past Saturday one of our indoor cats got outside (the white Calico one, in the photo above)
I didn’t actually notice she was gone until possibly 6 or 7 hours later. I’m not sure exactly when she got outside but I had seen her around 9am in the morning and around 4pm, I began to think: “I haven’t seen Vanna today, that’s weird.”
Usually she stays pretty close by and almost aways comes when called by name.
Bill and I found a hole in the screened-in porch and knew she was outside. We called her name and nothing. We searched through the woods, calling her name. Nothing. Drove around the neighborhood, calling her name out the window. Nothing.
She still hadn’t returned by 11pm at night so we did another drive-through the neighborhood, calling her name.VAH-NA!!!! VAH-NA !!!! Nothing.
In the morning, still no sign of her. More walks through the woods. More standing in the yard calling her name. A trip to our neighbor’s house to see if they had seen her. Nothing.
Then I had a thought: “That cat comes home when you come home.”
HA!! This thought took me completely by surprise. It was a quiet ah-ha thought, that came out of nowhere.
“That cat comes home when you come home.”
I got pretty excited. It was a sudden realization that in the same way we had been calling Vanna to come home – VAH-NA! VAH-NA! – God is CALLING US HOME continually and constantly. LISA! LISA!
And what typically happens when God calls our name? NOTHING.
We are so lost in the wilderness of our own thoughts and fears that we are very far from home and cannot hear the Voice that calls to us.
On Saturday afternoon, I did a 2-hour free webinar online (available to view until tonight May 2nd at midnight) and even though it got incredibly great feedback and comments from many participants and there were hundreds of people expressing gratitude, a lot of people crying having break-through moments, people saying it was the best workshop they had ever seen, I was still critically judgmental when it ended. I thought I could have done better. The main place I was beating myself up was that I forgot some major key parts that were promised and advertised in the promotional material. So I got off the webinar and instead of celebrating and being grateful, I spent the next 2 hours feelings stupid, full of judgment and criticism towards myself, like I had failed to do the homework correctly and I was standing there a failure in front of the whole classroom. I feel like I’m not polished like other teachers. I’m sometimes all over the map. My teaching often doesn’t fit into a nice tidy little box that looks pretty and professional. I know that I have a way of teaching that has touched thousands of people lives and changes them forever – so there are incredible results which I am grateful for – but there is still THE INNER CRITIC going: You look like a disorganized mess.
I could see that 1000 people had viewed the workshop and that just made it worse to me that people would see my mistakes.
LISA! COME HOME!
I was lost in the wilderness of my own thinking, out there in the woods of my own self-attack, just like Vanna. And all the while our Father was calling me home to peace, joy and gratitude.
I couldn’t hear this Voice in the noise of my own judgments.
So Vanna missing turned out to be a great gift. I know there was no accidents. I did have a brief tiny moment when I thought I could have done things differently and she wouldn’t have gotten outside. But I remembered: I couldn’t have done anything differently or I WOULD HAVE done it differently! There are no accidents. I have chosen in my life to see every situation as an opportunity for healing and sometimes it takes a moment to get to this place of remembering to see everything as a gift from God.
“That cat comes home when you come home.”
The cat was a mirror reflection of ME being lost in the wilderness, far from home.
A Course in Miracles has several workbook lessons that talk about coming home.
Workbook Lesson 182: I will be still an instant and go home.
Workbook Lesson 188: The peace of God is shining in me now.
Workbook Lesson 200: There is no peace except the peace of God.
I read all these lessons, laughing in joy … remembering … this world I seem to live in – of fear and judgment and attack – is not my home.
“This world you seem to live in is not home to you. And somewhere in your mind you know that this is true.” -A Course in Miracles
I realize that it was time for me to COME HOME, to leave the darkness of judgment, criticism and shame and come on home. I spent Sunday afternoon making what I called A Birthday Board (today May 2nd is my birthday) and it felt like a board to end all vision board. I put a big picture of Jesus on one side and then on the other side I wrote a letter, declaring that I belong to God.
Live or Die, God I’m all yours.
These past few years I have been experiencing physical symptoms of what the doctors call auto-immune disease and there is no worldly cure. And so there has been a lot of doubt around that, like why am I still experiencing sickness.
This weekend, I could hear God’s Voice calling me home loud and clear as I called Vanna home.
I heard! COME. HOME.
I got it. It’s a decision to be completely dependent on God, with no attachment to outcome and no more identification with the body or symptoms. I got it. Total 100% identification with Spirit, the Light of Christ. I’m not a body!
For 24-hours while Vanna was missing, I was praying “Please God” and “Please Jesus” and I was making bargains (lol) even though I teach “don’t bargain with God” but there I was, bargaining with God saying: All I want for my birthday is Vanna to come home.
HAHA. In a moment of clarity, I saw that insanity. I thought “Please God? Are you kidding me Lisa? You know better. You know that true prayer is “Thank you God” and NOT “Please God”
And what I realized is that more than I wanted Vanna home (even though I SUPER wanted her home, I missed her like crazy) was that I was concerned with her safety and protection. I didn’t want her to feel afraid. I wanted her to be happy. It was raining and I was thinking: I hope she’s okay. I wonder where she is sleeping? She’s probably hungry. She might be dead. There’s a lot of animals in these woods. She’s probably scared. Come home.
And with the memory of “Thank you God” as true prayer, I released Vanna completely. I said THANK YOU GOD THAT YOU KNOW WHERE SHE IS AND THAT SHE IS PERFECTLY SAFE AND HAPPY.
I thought: I may never see her again and I’m okay with that because I BELONG TO GOD.
I thanked God for bringing me into a state of peace and joy.
I thanked God that I was never going to beat myself up anymore with self-criticism, judgment and attack.
I thanked Jesus for sending out a search team for me, and calling me home.
I’m laughing as I write this, how seemingly bad situations can turn into the greatest gifts.
And guess what: Vanna did NOT come home right then and there. This is not a Disney movie. But I felt changed, alive, grateful and happy.
I felt like: Okay, this is the moment that I come home. This world of fear and worrying and caring what other people think about me is NOT my home. It’s not my home to think I’m a failure. It’s not my home to beat myself up in condemnation. The voice of my name was growing louder: LISA !!
I heard it. Our Father calling me home.
And I stopped in the woods, in the space where I was lost and confused and I saw that the Voice was coming from a direction different that the direction I was going. I stopped in my tracks. Heard the Voice of Love calling me and I turned and followed the Voice until i was home, safe and sound.
No sign of Vnnna as Bill and I went to bed on Sunday night around 11pm. But then at 2:30am, Monday morning, Bill was standing over me saying: Lisa, wake up.
I had no idea what was happening. I didn’t remember that Vanna was missing. I was totally out of it. I looked over to the clock and it said: 2:30. I said: What? Do I need to get up?
And Bill said: Yes. You need to get up.
I thought maybe the house was on fire.
Bill said: Vanna is outside.
HA! I was awake then!! We went outside in the yard and she was nowhere to be found. She’d bolted again. We tried calling her name for 20 minutes but nothing. Finally I thought, “I’m going to set up the futon couch into a bed near the open door and I will sleep there all night.” It was freezing cold but I thought: “People have slept outside in colder conditions and I’ll be fine. She will eventually come inside.” This was my thought She loves to walk all over us while we are sleeping.
As I lay in the bed, I did have the thought: “This is crazy” The door was wide-open. It might not be safe.
Then I remembered: Live or Die, God I am all yours.
I was listening. I was trusting. I felt surrounded by God’s Love.
And within less than 5 minutes, Vanna was walking all over me, purring, rolling, getting under the covers, happy as can be to be home.
I wanted to share this story with you.
Your name is being called to come home.
Our Father is calling us all home, to a place of safety and peace.
We can’t always hear the voice when we are so lost in the darkness of our own stories. But if you stand still an instant. If you pause and rest. Just listen. Be still. You will hear God calling your name, calling you home.
I love you. This is my favorite birthday EVER.
Thank you for joining with me. Thank you for being part of the search team, shining the flashlight of your love onto others who are lost, onto me when I go down the rabbit-hole in overwhelm, as the light of Christ is shining on us in our own confusion, doubt and moments of fear.
Recording/Replay of Webinar Available until Tuesday, May 2 at midnight: http://www.teachersofgod.org/abundant
ACIM 365 for $147: This is $100 off regular price until Tuesday, May 2 at midnight:http://www.teachersofgod.org/acimdiscount